I wanted to start with episode 1, but it somehow got deleted off my tv, and so I decided to just go ahead and do #9, since that's the one I was watching now. The point is to complain about all the things that annoy me in this series. I've seen the series straight through like 10 times. There's a lot to complain about.
Lorelai is picking the avacado off her food, which apparently is supremely offensive to Emily.
Emily accuses Lorelai of not reading the chilton news letter. Instead of disregarding the comment or saying "who gives a fuck", Lorelai lies and says that she did read it. Emily tests her by asking her what the picture on the cover was. As if one would necessarily remember the picture on the cover. Her not remembering it doesn't prove that she didn't read any of the newsletter, and her yes remembering it just proves that she saw the picture. --> Emily is stupid, and also a bitch.
Lorelai is mad that Emily made a donation in Rory's name. Why does she care?
Rory says she doesn't want to go to the dance, and Emily asks Lorelai, "What did you say to her?" But, stupid Emily, Lorelai didn't even know about the dance until just a moment ago, and you've all been sitting here together, so you know everything she might have said about the dance. Also, why does Emily give a shit if Rory goes to a dance or not.
Rory doesn't have any friends at Chilton, yet Lorelai encourages her to go to the dance. If she had even one friend to go with, it could make sense, but it doesn't make sense to go to a party full of people who either hate you or feel completely neutral about you.
Rory is afraid to ask Dean to the dance and doesn't think he is her boyfriend, even though in a previous episode she brought him cookies and they vacuumed each other's faces.
Emily calls and criticizes Loreilai for having lots of clutter in her house. Then she says how even though Rory may think the dance is frivolous now, later in life she will regret missing it. Isn't that, like, bass-ackwards? Don't people usually think that stuff is life-changing when they're 16, and then later they realize it didn't matter? Anyway, I went I guess like 3 gay-ass dances in middle school, and then I decided they weren't ever going to get any better, and I didn't go to any prom, and I don't regret it.
Lorelai tells Emily that she is making Rory a dress for the dance. Emily thinks that's, like, the most barbaric thing she's ever heard of, and snottily asks if Lorelai is making the dress out of curtains.
Emily complains about how she is going to be missing out on the once-in-a-lifetime event of seeing Rory off to the dance. Really? She's never going to go to another dance? My schools had them all the freaking time. Also, Emily, didn't you have a daughter of your own? Lorelai got pregnant when she was 16, so, boo-hoo, you didn't get to watch her do the coming out party, or see her off to prom, but she probably went to dances before that, right? Rory isn't your daughter, so really, why don't you back the fuck off.
Lorelai invites Emily over, and now I realize that that is what Emily wanted all along and had been bitchily hinting at.
Tristan comes to bug Rory while she's in line to buy tickets to the dance. He says she must be going alone because if she had a date, then he would be buying the tickets. As if going to a dance alone is immoral or shameful or something. Then Rory tells him she does have a date. Why is she talking to him!? Why doesn't she just turn and stare straight ahead and ignore him and keep reading her book? Tristan says the guy must be cheap. Fucking gey. What is the stupid reasoning that leads to the idea that men should pay for everything? Rory and Dean are both fucking teenagers. There's no reason to assume that he'd have more money than her.
Tristan says that he wanted to go to the dance with Rory and she tells him haha no. So he poutily says he'll take someone named Sissy. Rory says, "I'll send her a condolence card," to which Tristan replies, "At least she won't be buying her own ticket." Wat. I don't get it. Why is that bad? I'm confused. Is it supposed to be shameful for a woman to spend money? I guess the assumption is that what all women want is a man who works his ass off to get bucketloads of money just so he can buy frivolous shit for her. And Tristan is saying that Rory is missing out on this highest of goals that a woman can hope to achieve. Whatever.
Paris is mad at Rory for being mean to Tristan. She disregards the past instances in which Tristan has been mean to Rory. But I guess, since Paris is mean to Rory in the exact same way, she thinks that it's just right for Rory to be treated that way, and Rory is the one being unreasonable by expecting to be treated well. I guess that's what Rory gets for being new to the school.
Paris worships Tristan and thinks no guy could be better. Then she says that Rory probably doesn't even have a date and will make a stupid excuse at the last minute to miss the dance.
The doorbell rings, and Lorelai calls "We're in here!" Emily comes in and criticizes her for this.
Emily wants to take a picture of "the big entrance". She gets her camera ready and then calls for Rory to come in. She comes in wearing a bib-napkin and eating a taco. Emily can't believe that a person would ever dare to eat food, and says to Lorelai, "She has been living with you too long." WTF. She's been living with her her whole life, retard.
Lorelai hurt her back earlier. Sookie mentions something about it, and Emily demands to know what's going on. Lorelai gives in and tells her. Why? She should have just told her "Shut up and mind your own fucking business, or get out of my house."
The dress Lorelai made is so good that Emily thinks it's store-bought. Ha.
Dean honks outside, and Rory goes to meet him. Emily implies that this makes Rory some kind of trash. Rory explains that that's what she and Dean agreed on, but Emily doesn't care and insists that Rory wait for Dean to come to the door. If I were in Rory's place, I'd have said Bye and walked out the door the second I realized what Emily's objection was. But Rory stays there and does what Emily wants. Why?
Lorelai points out that she's already met Dean, so this really isn't necessary. Emily says that she hasn't met him yet. Again, Emily, didn't you have your own fucking daughter? Back the fuck off.
Dean honks several more times, and Emily calls him stupid.
Hey, why can't Rory at least open the door and wave to Dean to come in? Why doesn't that fall within your stupid "manners"?
Dean finally comes and rings the doorbell. Rory runs to the door. Emily says, "Don't rush. A lady never rushes." Well I'm not a lady, you fucking crazy bitch, so shut the fuck up! is what Rory should have said. Rory rushes anyway. Small victory #1.
Emily calls Dean "young man" and acts as if he's a criminal.
Emily, glaring at Dean as if he were a Nazi, tells Dean her name. Dean says hi. Emily is offended by this, but restrains herself and just says "hello".
Lorelai tells them to have fun, and Emily tells them to be home by 11:00. Hey, stupid, are you forgetting which kid is yours again?
Lorelai whispers to Rory that she can stay out till 12:00. Lorelai, Emily will never learn if you don't correct her mistakes.
Emily insists on staying to take care of Lorelai because of her injured back. Lorelai tries to convince her to leave, but ends up giving in. Gah, why!? Emily tries to spin it as caring for her daughter, but it's really just a chance for her to be in control of something.
Lorelai stands up off the couch to try to convince Emily that she's ok. Emily demands that she move, as in walk around. What a bitch. Lorelai doesn't want you there, so fucking leave!
Emily decided to make tea. Why? I don't know. Maybe tea is supposed to help "back spasms". Then she says, "Please tell me you have something besides Lipton." I'm here to help you, and I'm going to do you the favor of making you tea, but if all you have a brand of tea that I consider trashy, then I'm going to rage at you, and if you fight back at all, I'll tell you that you have no manners. But Lorelai just ignores that comment.
Emily pretends not to notice when other people are exasperated by her.
Emily is looking for some candles ("bacara candlesticks" or something, I can't tell what she's saying) that she gave Lorelai as a present. Lorelai guiltily tells her she exchanged them for a monkey lamp. Emily criticizes Lorelai for the "bad breeding of returning a gift". Bad breeding? Gee, I wonder whose fault that could be. She also criticizes Lorelai for having bad taste and trading in something of substance (candles) for a "ridiculous sinister barroom decoration" (the lamp). Candles are something of substance? Technically, yes, but not in the way you mean.
Paris, who claims to hate Rory, comes up to talk to her for some reason.
Tristan is super sad, and makes out with Sissy.
Lorelai being nice to Emily. She hopes that if she does this enough, it will rub off on Emily and she'll stop being a bitch. It never works.
Paris's date comes up to ask for Rory's phone number. Rory points out that maybe he shouldn't be hitting on other girls when he's here with Paris, and he says that Paris is his cousin. Remember how Paris was saying that Rory wouldn't be able to get a date? Ha.
Lorelai tells Emily that she made Rory's dress. Emily kind of looks like she wants to throw up, but she reins herself in.
Paris screams about something.
Tristan confronts Dean. Stupidity ensues. Dean tries to walk around Tristan, but Tristan keep blocking his path. He does it again to Rory. Dean pushes him, and Tristan acts like Dean is the one who started it. It ends with Dean threatening Tristan. Rory and Dean leave.
Paris asks Tristan if he's ok, again ignoring any wrong Tristan might have done.
Rory and Dean stop at Miss Patty's after leaving the dance. They sit on a bean bag chair and read a book. They fall asleep. Miss Patty comes in with her yoga class at 5:30 in the morning. They gently and nicely wake up Rory, but when Dean asks what time it is, they all glare at him as if he's done something wrong.
Rory is horrified at the "mistake" and tells Dean that he shouldn't be anywhere near her house right now. Really? Lorelai hasn't even been the strict parent. Will she really be mad at Dean because of this? Will she, like Miss Patty et al, assume that Dean has "nefarious" intentions? That wouldn't seem to fit in with Lorelai's character. It seems that she would just ask Rory what happened and then realize it wasn't a big deal. Or even a deal at all.
Emily wakes up Lorelai at 5:30 and tells her that Rory isn't here. She insists that Lorelai call the police. Before she can find the phone, it rings and it's Miss Patty calling. Lorelai tells Emily that Rory and Dean were at Miss Patty's. Emily says, "What is that, a motel?"
Emily asks in "what state" Miss Patty found them. Like, with all their clothes off, mid-coitus?
Lorelai says she doesn't know, and they should just wait and talk to Rory to find out what happened. Emily says, "We know what happened!" As if it's a bad thing. All as if it's bad for people to have sex. IT'S NOT.
Lorelai repeats that they can't assume anything. Emily says that she's watched Lorelai do a lot of stupid things in her life, and she's held her tongue. Ha!
Emily says she won't stand by while Lorelai lets Rory ruin her life (by getting pregnant).
Emily goes on a tirade. She asks Lorelai, "What kind of mother are you, to allow this to happen to her?" Lorelai responds, "What kind of mother were you?"
Emily says, if she was so controlling, why couldn't she stop Lorelai from getting pregnant? Right, that's a good defense. "I wasn't 100% tyrannical! Only 98%!"
Lorelai tells Emily to get out. This has been one of the few times that she stands up to Emily in the slightest. She tells Emily that she did not throw her life away by getting pregnant. She defends Rory. Emily leaves.
Rory comes in and tries to think Lorelai for defending her. But now Lorelai is all mad at Rory for staying out all night and says that she has to go on the pill.
Rory says that Lorelai knows that nothing happened and that it was just an accident, but she mad that Rory screwed up in front of Emily. Why would it be bad if something had happened? Why is staying out all night a screw up?
Episode is over.